Posts Tagged ‘ zombies ’

The Trowel Technique

I used to almost be an archaeologist. It was glorious. Sun, sand, manual labor – who could ask for anything more? Did I mention a really good tan? Because I had one.

Imagine my delight when a friend linked to this article on facebook. Archaeology and zombies! Together at last. I just know they’ll go together like peanut butter and jelly, butter and biscuits, cheese and…..you get the idea.  Trust me, archaeology and zombies is going to be the next big thing.

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How to kill a zombie with a trowel. I love trowels. I love mine so much I use it for gardening. But now I’m going to keep it under my pillow in case of a surprise midnight zombie attack.

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Death by shovel. Delightful. Just look at that form.

So next time you face a zombie attack just ask yourself, “What would an archaeologist do?” and reach for your trowel. You won’t be sorry.

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How to prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse

Zombie preparedness is no joke. It’s a lot of work, and takes a lot of research. This book is key. The Encyclopedia of Country Living. It could very well be entitled How to Survive Anything on Your Own.

Today’s zombie lesson is taken from this book and is on eating small animals.  When the zombies take over, our grocery system will fail.  It will be important to know how to procure your own food.  If you have a weak stomach, this post might not be for you. Just leave now and go eat some Tums. And good luck when the zombies come.

Health Rules for Small Animal Eaters:

  1. Never eat a small animal that is already dead.
  2. Don’t hunt an animal that isn’t acting lively.
  3. Even if you personally kill the animal, don’t eat it if it looks to be in poor health.
  4. Wild rabbits and some other mammals may be sick with infections that can be contracted by the hunter (less likely in winter). Don’t cut yourself while cleaning such animals. It’s recommended that you wear rubber gloves when skinning or cleaning any small game, especially wild rabbits.
  5. Check the animal’s liver. White cyst like spots in the liver, pea size or smaller, indicate tularemia or coccidiosis. Do not eat the meat of animals with white liver spots.
  6. Never eat brain – not even well cooked.

Cooking a small mammal:  any small game may be cooked whole or cut into pieces. Use in wild meat recipes, rabbit recipes, chicken recipes, or any meat recipes that you feel like trying it in.

There you have it! Just a few tips on eating small animals and preparing for the zombie apocalypse.  🙂

 

 

The Zombie Apocalypse

“This will come in handy for the zombie apocalypse.”

“Jack, if you whine like that the zombies will get you first.”

“Get the matches from the zombie preparedness basket.”

We have a slight obsession with zombies these days. Dave jokingly predicts the zombie apocalypse multiple times a day. Apparently, anything can trigger it – being too hungry, not getting a turn to play guitar hero, and especially being denied the chance to watch Ghost Hunters.

We’re working on our zombie preparedness skills.  Our zombie preparedness basket (the junk basket) has matches, candles, screwdrivers, tape, and most importantly, take out menus. Our water filter (that can even clean pond water) will come in very handy during the zombie apocalypse. So will my sweet onion chopping, aka knife skills.  We’ve even got some real weapons that will be useful; and Dave learned some sweet fighting skills at a krav maga class.  We are ready.  Bring on the zombies.